Follow-up haiku, First Reader
I didn't mention in the other day's post on the "First Reader" poem that in addition to all the thinking I did about that Billy Collins poem, I also thought it would make a great subject for a haiku, i.e., a haiku around the idea that in learning to read we, on some level, "forget how to look."
Well, that turned out to be a lot more difficult than it seemed. In the end I had to surrender pretty much all of the haiku rules and was left with just "3 lines" and the "short/long/short" pattern. And as far as the syllables go, I was able to almost convince myself a slight feint to the 5/7/5 by going with 7/14/7 (but that's really just random and there is no feint as all).
hovering here, buzzing there
nearby the boy reading of spaceships jumping hyperspace
unnoticed the bumblebee
I'm generally happy with it. I like the implicit comparison of the spaceships with the bumblebee. I also like interplay between "jumping hyperspace" being something standard in ski-fi but not actually something humans have yet figured out how to do with the "bumblebee argument." Related, bees do seem to "jump" from one hovering spot to the next much like how I imagine hyperspace jumping spaceships would do it. Finally, as well, I like the haiku-esque ambiguity of the word "nearby." Is the bee nearby the boy or the boy nearby the bee? Both, right? And who is the unnoticed?
But when you read it, does the "so absorbed in reading that you forget how to look" theme come through? I don't know.
Meanwhile, since this is a blog as much about the process and struggle of my own attempts at the craft, below you'll find the various 4 days worth of false starts.
In Learning to read Is forgetting to live I turn the page Reading of fantastic ships In outer space the boy never notices The butterfly alight on his shoulder The boy on the park bench reading Spaceships jump hyperspace Across the Alone with a book in the park the boy The bumblebee hovers unnoticed Reading sci-Fi The park bench reader Spaceships jump hyperspace Bumblebee hovers On the park bench Reading o The park bench reader The butterfly alights unnoticed Moving faster than you'd think Mercury crosses the sun Reading under the willow Hyperspace ships leap across Beneath the old willow The space opera the words rocket Reading sci-fi eyes glazed under the old willow the bee comes and goes Hovering around A boy reading of spaceships The bee goes unnoticed Hovering and buzzing around the boy reading of spaceships jumping hyperspace the bumblebee goes unnoticed Hovering and buzzing around the boy reading of spaceships jumping hyperspace unnoticed the bumblebee Hovering and buzzing around the boy reading of spaceships jumping hyperspace here and there unnoticed the bumblebee hovering here, buzzing there 7 nearby the boy reads of spaceships jumping hyperspace 13 unnoticed the bumblebee 7 hovering here, buzzing there 7 nearby the boy reading of spaceships jumping hyperspace 14 unnoticed the bumblebee 7